Acme Sharpened Pikes Report to Stockholders
This Report highlights for our stockholders some of the events taking place in Washington DC and the consequences of those developments on our profit picture this year.
We believe this is an exciting time of opportunity for our sharpened pike business and believe our timely entry into the business of providing citizens with a means of demonstrating their displeasure with their government and our convenient locations in Washington, D.C. and around the country foretells a banner year for Acme and its stockholders.
It is becoming increasingly clear to citizens that they are living in a punkocracy where ill-equipped political appointees and arrogant government employees use all powers at their disposal to beset and harass them, believing taxpayers exist to serve their interests and not vice versa.
One of the most appealing targets for our picket sales is airplane travelers, and for this a big thanks to TSA outside of whose office we are opening a new super size kiosk. In just recent days alone, TSA employees patted down a crying four year old girl because she hugged her grandmother who was undergoing a pat down; groped a congressman; stole $300 from a man during a humiliating search; worked with drug dealers to evade examination of drug-filled luggage at LAX; caused a family to miss its flight by aggressively screening a brace-laden 7 year old cerebral palsy sufferer; and were caught systematically stealing from passengers' luggage.
I wish it were legal to offer a portion of our profits to Janet Napolitano. Let's just say she brings good things to Acme Sharpened Pikes.
Right behind her in the agencies and departments to which we owe our growing fortunes is EPA which besides doing everything in its power to create serious energy shortages in a country overflowing with natural gas and oil, is the overbearing actions of its officials.
A typical example is Al Armendariz. He gave a speech in 2010 which just came to light in which he said:
"I was in a meeting once and I gave an analogy to my staff about my philosophy of enforcement, and I think it was probably a little crude and maybe not appropriate for the meeting but I'll go ahead and tell you what I said," Armendariz said. "It was kind of like how the Romans used to conquer little villages in the Mediterranean. They'd go into a little Turkish town somewhere, they'd find the first five guys they saw and they'd crucify them," Armendariz said.
"And then you know that town was really easy to manage for the next few years. And so you make examples out of people who are in this case not compliant with the law. Find people who are not compliant with the law, and you hit them as hard as you can and you make examples out of them, and there is a deterrent effect there," he added.
He's wrong about the history and was forced to apologize for those remarks, but his attitude should be unsurprising to those who understand his history.
If you weigh his background for the job on the scale with his heavy handed arrogance in the balance, he'd be flipped out of office. Bryan Preston:
President Obama appointed SMU professor Al Armendariz to head up the EPA's Region VI, to fanfare from the left, in November 2009. Prof. Armendariz's SMU web site is...spare. From his resume linked there, we learn that at the time of his appointment he was officially a Research Associate Professor in SMU's Department of Environmental and Civil Engineering. His last private sector experience was in 1998, when he was a chemical engineer at Radian Corp for about three years. He appears to have no serious managerial experience prior to his EPA appointment to head Region VI. From associate professor to managing a bureaucracy that spans five states, including major oil producers Texas and Louisiana, is quite a leap.
His list of references on his resume is a who's who of the loony left in Texas environmental politics.
The obnoxious and historically inaccurate remark is just a glimpse at Armendariz' arrogance. His portfolio includes Texas, and the EPA has systematically attacked energy production in Texas by outrageous over reaching . Preston again:
...the EPA has behaved as a punitive imperial power under Obama. Inhofe notes its stance on fracking, and I'll bring up how EPA handled the cross-state pollution rule last summer.
Texas was not included in the EPA's draft rule related to sulfur dioxide cuts because EPA modeling had shown little downwind impact from Texas power plants on other states.
On Thursday, however, the EPA said Texas would be required to meet lower SO2 limits to avoid allowing the state to increase emissions.
Five states - Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Louisiana, Massachusetts, along with the District of Columbia - were dropped from the final EPA rule.
Despite the agency's own science, Texas (red state) was added without warning, while three blue states and a swing state were dropped off. Once implemented, the rule will drive up electricity prices in the impacted states, which will drive up unemployment. The appearance here is that Texas was punished by EPA for having low unemployment and for being a GOP state that has challenged Obama's actions on a range of issues.
Armandariz's comments should trigger an investigation into every action the EPA has taken since Obama took office.
Update: By the way, Armendariz is the administrator for EPA's Region VI. His territory just happens to include Texas. Texans do not take kindly to imperial wannabes.
The Administration's insults to stay at home moms , Catholics, travelers and harassment of energy producers, especially in Texas, would have been enough to keep our business roiling this year. But the Administration has given us even more: The goofballs drafted regulations that would keep farm kids from working on family farms. Presumably on anyone's farms, as a matter of fact. My friend MayBee asked, "How are the school kids going to work in Michelle Obama's garden if it's illegal to do farm work?"
Sarah Palin took a harder line on Facebook:
The Obama Administration is working on regulations that would prevent children from working on our own family farms. This is more overreach of the federal government with many negative consequences. And if you think the government's new regs will stop at family farms, think again.
My family is a commercial fishing family, and commercial fishing in Alaska is much like the family farm (but the year 'round farmers no doubt work harder than we do!). I guarantee fishing families wouldn't stand for this nonsensical intrusion into our lives and livelihoods, and, as a former 4-H member, I don't believe farm families will either. Our kids learn to work and to help feed America on our nation's farms, and out on the water.
Federal government: get your own house in order and stop interfering in ours.
The Administration finally buckled but who believes they won't revert to form if Obama gets re-elected? I'd bet the 4-H members won't fall for that and we are setting up a special group rate on pikes for them. Doubt me on that? Apparently the Administration realizes the suspicion will linger. Dana Perino
@DanaPerino Important: labor dept says proposed rules on farm labor/kids won't be pursued during the entire Obama admin. in case Medvedev was wondering.
And, now stockholders, we anticipate the best sales of the year. Voters just learned that Michelle Obama's vacay in Grenada cost them about half a million dollars and noticed that while increased gas costs are forcing them into staycations, the Obamas took 17 vacations while in office and are spending a fortune using government planes to flit about on the campaign trail.
More Americans are jobless and qualify for our special out- of- work pike discounts.
The media seemingly has worn out the letters on the word "unexpected" and has stopped using it when reporting bad economic news. Acme kiosks are being set up at unemployment offices around the country.
The PEW survey released this week, has our sales department so excited that we cancelled our advertising plans -- who needs an ad agency when we have this:
Today, just one in three has a favorable view of the federal government - the lowest level in 15 years, according to a Pew survey. The majority of Americans remain satisfied with their local and state governments - 61 percent and 52 percent, respectively - but only 33 percent feel likewise about the federal government.
We are confident and excited about Acme's future. Assuming Obama isn't impeached or doesn't resign before the end of the year, we anticipate solid revenue and earnings growth in fiscal 2012.
We thank you, our shareholders, for your support and confidence in our operation. We are determined to justify your support by delivering ever greater revenues at least until the January inauguration. By November we will be announcing our next, exciting new venture, details of which I cannot yet divulge.
We express our sincere appreciation to Acme people countrywide for their commitment, creativity, and hard work on behalf of the company. Working as a team and with the continued input of the Administration punkocracy, Acme people drive the company's success. We thank them and the Obama Administration for a job well done.
President and Chief Executive Officer
April 29, 2012