Division By ZerO
There's a good reason in mathematics why you can't divide by zero. The operation is undefined because it's meaningless. "Nothingness" is infinite, really, in how small it is, and "zeroness" is just a concept anyway: an arithmetical placeholder. So it's illogical to ask how many "nothings" a number contains: the answer is always indeterminate. If you attempt it, you can show -- or at least appear to show -- anything you want. You can "prove" the truth of the impossible, and even of the absurd. You can easily demonstrate, for example, that 2=1.[*] Or any other number, for that matter. Which is precisely why such division is absurd, and not permitted.
Or at least, it didn't used to be. And abysmal lying by public officeholders should be the political equivalent of impermssible math. But there's no such prohibition in current American politics circa 2011. Yesterday's verboten is today's de rigeur. Our very own leading zerO practices upon us -- every day -- the division of what should stay integral. And in using himself to divide us, he can craft devious, putative "proofs." And he can flummox the gullible. When he hops on board that denominator, baby, all bets are off. Heck, with this guy, even the math is illegal.
For example, as he himself asserted recently just last week, 'Barack Hussein Obama is the fourth greatest president in history.' (cite; cite) If we let zerO do the calculations, why, then, even this eye-roller is true. And it's so pretentiously, spuriously simple:
∑ President = All Presidents = 4th Best President
See how easy that is?
What about this one: Before zerO, Americans were a religious, center-right, capitalist, productive, generous, self-sacrificing, hardworking, magnanimous, high-achieving people. But, divide by zerO and voilà! Not any more. We are latter-day robber barons: low, lazy, avaricious, degenerate, thieving, undeserving, and greedy. Get with the New Obamamath, will ya'?
No American president had ever bowed, figuratively or literally, to foreign officials, let alone to dictators, murderers, thieves, satraps, sheikhs, emperors, and bullies. But that was before. Today, it can all be quantified and formularized by the Great Divider:
American Pride = Disgrace x number of tyrants
Or take these nifty little equations. With our zerO doing the stats, "creating or saving" millions of jobs = 9% official, and 17% real unemployment. The need to escape dependence on Arab oil divided by zerO = a moratorium on domestic drilling. Creating 20,000 (cite) new Keystone petrojobs ÷ zerO = no pipeline, natch. True democratic Iranian demonstrations ÷ by zerO = no American support + lots of Iranians murdered by the regime. Bogus "Arab Spring" revolt ÷ zerO = Egyptian instability. Pipe-wielding New Black Panther election intimidators ÷ zerO = no prosecution. Cambridge Police ÷ zerO = "stupidly" + beer. Anemic economy ÷ zerO = hemorrhaging economy. Taxes ÷ zerO = more taxes. Stable society ÷ zerO = increasing racial tension. Failure of stimulus ÷ zerO = more stimulus. Streams of illegal aliens ÷ zerO = wide-open borders. Leadership ÷ zerO = open class envy. Journalism ÷ zerO = Jay Carney. Young male fanatical Muslim murderers ÷ zerO = the groping of American old ladies' privates. Integrity ÷ zerO = David Axelrod. Class ÷ zerO = Rahm Emanuel. Intelligent political life on earth ÷ zerO = Joe Biden. Patriotism ÷ zerO = pessimism. Plenty ÷ zerO = penury. Pride ÷ zerO = pathos.
But wait, there's more. The appointments process ÷ zerO = a cabinet of czars. Socialist idées fixes ÷ zerO = a crushing welter of regulations. Hollywood + banking ÷ zerO = big donations. Murky origins + computer graphics ÷ zerO = a pixellated birth certificate. Muslim father ÷ zerO = Christian son (yeah, right). Crummy school grades ÷ zerO = sealed crummy school grades. British subject father ÷ zerO = natural-born citizen (uh-huh). Bad legislation + bad-faith expediency ÷ zerO = healthcare waivers. Supreme Court ÷ (2 appointees x zerO) = liberty on the ropes. Unproductive tenure ÷ zerO = more vacations. Constitution ÷ zerO = NDAA tyranny.
Obamamath simply doesn't add up. After all, letting zerO divide America is fast turning America into a zero. And if you're a patriot, that's what cannot be allowed. Because after divide comes conquer. And letting this happen to America just doesn't compute. Unless you're a sociobamapath, that is. In which case it's belly up to the bar, boys. Tonight's special drink is the Ground Zero, and Obama's Uncle Sam is buying for everybody, Or he seems to be, so drink up while you can. Because last call is coming, and with it, the bill -- with a whole lot of zeroes -- is coming with it, and so are the warrants. ZerO will conveniently cancel himself for sure out of that equation. And there's gonna be nobody around but you to pick up his tab, and no one to bail you out.
Richard Kantro can be reached at email@example.com
[*] It's easy. Step 1: Assume x and y to be equal, non-zero expressions. (Result: x=y). Step 2: Multiply both sides by x. (Result: x2 = xy). Step 3: Subtract y2 from both sides. (Result: x2 - y2 = xy - y2). Step 4: Now, factor both sides. (Result: (x-y)(x+y) = y(x-y)). Step 5: Divide both sides by the expression x-y. This yields the expression (x+y = y). Since x=y, this is equivalent to (y+y=y). Step 6: Combining terms yields (2y=y). Step 7: Divide by the non-zero quantity y and obtain the result (2=1).
Simple, huh? And neat, too. But step 5, of course, is crypto-division by zero -- and disallowed -- because x-y=0. If you're not paying attention -- if you get caught up in the legerdemain of the political algebra, and ignore the real-issue values -- you don't see it.