The Statist Dictionary
'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.'Humpty was a Statist, calling on all the King's horses and all the King's men -- taxpayer-funded, of course -- to repair his fecklessness.
- Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass.
'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.'
- Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass.
Humpty was a Statist, calling on all the King's horses and all the King's men -- taxpayer-funded, of course -- to repair his fecklessness.
It's difficult to discuss policy, or even listen to Statists (or Progressives or Democrats -- your choice of terms) like Humpty with any understanding, because their words and phrases don't mean what we in the real world understand them to mean -- only what they choose them to mean. Therefore, with election season upon us (as if it ever left), here's a little help. Readers should feel free to add additional terms this short review has missed.
Civility in Discourse. No one may speak harshly of a Statist. Statists may, however, call their critics terrorists, racists, homophobes, sexists, Islamophobes, hostage-takers, or "son of a bitches" who must be "taken out." Since Statists are, by definition, morally superior to you, they may say any nasty thing about you without being uncivil. You may not reply.
Code Word. Any disagreement with a Statist policy, position, or person is a Code Word for something evil like racism, sexism, homophobia, Islamophobia, or bitter-God-and-gun-clinger.
Corporate Jets. Evil symbol of corporate greed -- never mind that subsidies for them were in the Obama stimulus bill. If you build, service, or fly Corporate Jets, your job is in the Statists' class-envy crosshairs.
Democrat. A person who opposes those foundations of democracy such as the secret ballot or measures to eliminate fraudulent voting.
Dissent. The highest form of patriotism, when a Statist speaks out against fiscal responsibility or limited government. See Terrorist for when someone speaks out against Statist positions.
Economic Stimulus. Money borrowed from your grandkids to reward public employees and other interest groups for supporting Statists.
Everyone must chip in. In this case, Everyone means the 5% of the people who already pay 60% of the federal income taxes, who must chip in even more to allow the Statists to buy more votes from the 47% of the public who pay no federal income taxes. Be glad if you are not included in Everyone, as they will be a target for pocket-picking, class warfare, envy, and scapegoating throughout the campaign.
Hate Crime. Any act of violence, intimidation, or criticism against a member of a Statist-designated PC group, such as Muslims, gays, women, Hispanics, or blacks. Violent crimes against whites, Asians, or Jews, based on their ethnic background, are just crimes. Maybe.
Hate Speech. Any criticism of a group favored by Statists. Note there is an ever-changing pecking order of politically correct favored groups. Currently Muslims trump gays, who trump blacks, who trump Hispanics, who trump women, who were once the favored group, but now are given nary a whimper of support on FGM or honor killings. Jews used to be favored, but now are not because of Israel. Of course, you may say any vile thing about Christians, country folk (rednecks), mountaineers (hillbillies), hunters, gun owners, or white males, and it is not Hate Speech, as they are not PC groups. (You can only sneer at veterans among your Statist elite friends, because "supporting the troops" is PC. Being one, of course, is unthinkable.) You can use expressions like calling New York "Hymietown" and still be a revered leader, as Jews are no longer favored. Basically, Hate Speech means shut up because the First Amendment doesn't apply to cretins like you.
Intellectual. Someone who produces nothing but great thoughts, supports Statist causes, and lives off the wealth created by the productive. You may have a Ph.D. in economics and have produced dozens of bestselling books printed in many languages, as has Thomas Sowell, but you are not an Intellectual unless you support Statist causes.
Investment. Spending borrowed money to buy votes from groups who support Statist candidates.
Islamophobia. This means you fear jihadist terrorism, or oppose special, state-sanctioned treatment for Islamic religious practices, or think the 91% of honor killings done by Muslims are evil, or oppose the second-class treatment of women under Shari'a religious law. All this is wrong.
Journalist. A person paid to spread Statist dogma, while pretending to be objective. Thus the criticism from the left that employees of Fox News are not real Journalists.
Justice. As used by Statists, Justice describes a desire to take something from someone else. For example, Environmental Justice means average people should pay more to drive, feed their families, or heat and light their homes so the Statists will have money to spend on green initiatives like making Al Gore a multimillionaire to fight global warming, or to invest in subsidies for supporters in the ethanol, solar, wind, or light-rail business, which can't make it in a free market. Social Justice means that companies can be held up for financial support for the groups claiming they are working for Justice, thus driving up costs for customers or driving down the company's stock value in pension plans. Racial Justice means Jesse Jackson can blackmail Budweiser into giving his son a distributorship so Bud is declared okay for black folks to drink.
Millionaires and Billionaires. Anyone making more than about $200,000 a year. Go to medical school, internship, residency, and a fellowship for 14 years, or start a small business that employs people, at great risk and with lots of sweat, and in the end you may make over $200,000 -- and thus be used as a target for class warfare.
The Poor. People who in America usually have more living space and amenities, including cars, electronics, and AC, than the average middle-class European, but whose votes can be obtained by inciting class envy of those who have done better in life, through hard work, talent, or the luck of birth. Poor is comparative. I'm poor compared to Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, and thus they should have to share their wealth with me, despite the fact that they have contributed far more to the advancement of the economic well-being of the country than I ever could.
Progressive. A Statist who opposes all economic progress except the growth of more government, more taxes, more spending, and more regulations, and who would rather your family be murdered than support any non-PC position.
Racist. Archaic: a person who holds an animus towards a group based on that group's race. Current Statist usage: someone who disagrees with Statist positions, from ObamaCare to global warming.
Scientist. A person in any field who believes in anthropogenic global warming. A person who is not convinced of this is not a scientist, regardless of his credentials. He is a kook. And in the pay of the big oil companies.
Shared Sacrifice. This phrase needs to be divided into two parts to be understood. The sacrifice part applies to anyone earning a good living in the private sector, especially if he or she is a job-creating small-businessperson. If the Statists have their way, such earners will have to sacrifice an increased portion of their income and family's standard of living, not to mention the private-sector jobs they could have created, so the Statists can share that money with supporter groups, government unions, and non-earners.
Socialist. A politically incorrect name for someone who supports the Statist goals of more government, more taxes, more spending, and more regulations. Calling Statists this is uncivil. Comparing George Bush to Hitler, Nazis, or monkeys is not.
_______ Studies. Indicates a university course where little actual scholarship is required (Women's Studies, Black Studies, Queer Studies, Religious Studies, Islamic Studies, Environmental Studies), which prepares students for careers as Walmart greeters, burger-flippers, and government employees. If your child is majoring in a field that ends in Studies, you may expect to have your basement occupied until the first property tax bill arrives after your death.
Stupid. Objective media designation for any candidate who might defeat a Statist, thus taking away the journalist's leg-tingles. See Reagan, Ronald.
Taxes. Funds to support the government, required for most people, but optional for Obama administration cabinet members and rich, powerful legislators like Rep. Charlie Rangel or Sen. John Kerry.
Tax Expenditure. If your earn $1,000, and the Statist is able to tax only $300 of that from you for the government to spend, the other $700 of your earnings that you are allowed to keep is viewed as a Tax Expenditure, meaning they could have taken it as well. And wish they had.
Terrorist. Archaic: a person who seeks to advance a political cause through murder, violence, and intimidation. Current Statist usage: a person who opposes huge government deficits and the growth of big government. A person who takes the time to express his or her opinions at a Tea Party rally. A religious person. A veteran of service in the U.S. military.
Undocumented. Illegal. An Undocumented Worker is an illegal immigrant. An Undocumented Pharmacist is a drug dealer. An Undocumented President is...just kidding. I don't really want to go there.
Working People. Members of unions, especially government employees, who can be counted on to vote for and contribute money or time to Statist political campaigns, if suitably rewarded from the public purse. You may put in 80 hours a week or hold down two jobs, but you are not a "working person" unless you belong to a union and support Statists. In some constructions, you can also be included as a "working person" if you are on welfare but support Statist candidates.
Robert A. Hall is the author of The Coming Collapse of the American Republic: And what you can do to prevent it. A former Massachusetts state senator and a Marine Vietnam veteran, he blogs at www.tartanmarine.blogspot.com.