September 9, 2012
And All the Democrats Said, 'AMEN!'By Fay Voshell
The Democrats who booed God may have left out an important consideration: maybe God wasn't attending the convention.
Some observers have said God had already left the building by the time the folks in charge wrote him out of existence along with his long-favored city of Jerusalem.
A lot of questions are being asked. Did the Democrats think that by writing God back in, he'd come back? Did they think they were doing God a favor?
Who knows the answers?
We'll leave those theological mysteries for the Democrats to ponder.
What we do know is that boos and jeers greeted the idea that God and Jerusalem be written back into Democrat scripture. It seems the catcalls were surefire indicators that a god other than Jehovah almighty was being worshiped by the devotees of the fundamentalist left.
Who might that god be?
Wait! Holy heck! What the...? The new god has spoken from the convention floor! It's channeled through the voices of the people!
"Bow down, all ye worshipers, to me, the god of the almighty State, the god to whom everyone belongs from birth to death.
"Bring out the sackbut, the cymbals, and the gongs. Celebrate me, the almighty and compassionate State, who is ready to provide you with all your needs. Are you sick? I, the god of state, will have compassion and heal you. Are you hungry? I, the divine state, will feed you. Do you need a home? I, the holy state, will provide you with shelter.
"Are the oceans rising and the planet in need of healing? Do not fear. My new messiah will lower the ocean levels and tend to our sick planet.
"Come to me, the State, all you who are in need, and you will find rest for your bodies, wanting for nothing.
"Of course, I require some sacrifices. I have some commandments you are to obey. Here are -- entirely coincidentally! -- ten of them chosen at random from thousands.
"You shall worship only one god: I, the State.
"You shall not worship any other gods than the State except maybe Gaia, my handmaiden.
"You shall observe strict dietary rules. Stay away from the temples of McDonald's, Burger King, and Kentucky Fried Chicken lest you pollute yourself with soda and fats. But most especially, stay away from the blasphemous food temple of Chick-fil-A.
"You shall illuminate your residence with special curly bulbs as holy lamp stands dedicated to me and Gaia, my handmaiden of the Earth.
"You shall speak the holy language of political correctness. The appropriate lexicon will be issued from time to time, as I am a god who often changes his mind.
"You shall tithe to me, the State, the fruits of the labor of your hands in order that others be given their fair share.
"You shall send your sons and daughters to my temples of learning only. You shall recognize the messianic mission of my Anointed One, contributing your time and energies to the missionary causes espoused by the Anointed One.
"You shall not covet a profit from what I, the State, have built. You did not build anything. I did it all.
"You shall accept my holy sacrament of child sacrifice."
As the smoke ascended and the incense from the garments of the Anointed One and his Prophet, Joseph the Bald, wafted through the crowd, all the worshipers bowed down and pledged allegiance to the New Order, praying for Hope and Change. Prostrate, they begged the new god to allow Four More Years to Achieve Holy Change under the Rule of the Anointed One and his Prophet.
Then the crowd of worshippers rose to their feet as one.
And all the people shouted, "AMEN!"
At this point, broadcasts from the convention ceased, and all that was heard thereafter was nothing but static.
Fay Voshell may be reached at email@example.com.
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