Acme Sharpened Pikes Report to Stockholders

By Clarice Feldman

This Report highlights for our stockholders some of the events taking place in Washington DC and the consequences of those developments on our profit picture this year. We believe this is an exciting time of opportunity for our sharpened pike business and believe our timely entry into the business of providing citizens with a means of demonstrating their displeasure with their government and our convenient locations in Washington, D.C. and around the country foretells a banner year for Acme and its stockholders. It is becoming increasingly clear to citizens that they are living in a punkocracy where ill-equipped political appointees and arrogant government employees use all powers at their disposal to beset and harass them, believing taxpayers exist to serve their interests and not vice versa. One of the most appealing targets for our picket sales is airplane travelers, and for this a big thanks to TSA outside of whose office we are opening a new super size kiosk. In just recent days alone, TSA employees patted down a crying.... (Read Full Article)