August 4, 2011
Obama's Birthday: The Cure for a Failing CitizenryBy Kevin Jackson
Fresh off the public flogging of Boehner disguised as a "Republican win," Obama shifted his priorities back to the business of the nation: his 50th birthday bash!
Here's how the LA Times described the momentous event (emphasis added):
The left acts as if other presidents all inherited rainbows and cotton candy. The only modern-day president who can't complain about what he inherited is Jimmy Carter, and Bush looks more and more Reaganesque daily in comparison to Obama.
We were told, again and again, that Obama would focus on jobs. Remember jobs -- the things that Obama said he would create 4.1 million of? The things that people had during The Bush Years?
Obama's first trillion spent after selection was to secure jobs, to guarantee that the jobless rate would not crest 8 percent. So what if we got to 9.7 percent? When unemployment settled at 9.2 percent, 0.5 percent of the people who lost jobs got their jobs back. Not bragging on behalf of Obama, but 100 percent of the existing jobs were "saved" by Obama's quick thinking. Crisis averted.
Why sulk about another 1.5M jobs lost in the afterglow of last night's fundraising gala in Chicago with Jennifer Hudson serenading the One?
I have a math degree, so I can tell you with authority that if Obama took his newly looted $2.4T and gave it to the 1.5M newly unemployed, he could give each of them $1.6M. One point five million instant millionaires. If Obama decided to "spread the wealth around" further, to the total unemployed of 30M (not including those who quit looking...after all, they quit looking and don't deserve it!), each of the unemployed would receive $80,000 -- just slightly above the poverty line in Amerika.
Lucky for us however, Obama will do with the $2.4T what he's done with the about $4T he stole earlier, which guarantees us at least another year of increased joblessness.
We were informed today that in sacrifice for the nation, Obama had foregone no less than nine other parties that were on his schedule during the debt crisis. Nine parties. What a trooper, that Obama. I can see forgoing two, perhaps three parties, but nine?!
And though Obama played golf during this crisis, who knows how much golf he sacrificed for the sake of the country? The forbearance of our president, his steadfast courage in the face of a crisis -- well, it's certainly shows the mettle of the man. What would a lesser man have done?
Though Obama instructed Bernanke to artificially keep the inflation rate down while simultaneously printing money, there remains that pesky interest on the debt. Because Obama has essentially doubled the debt, the added effect has created a debt interest spiral. Do not be dismayed. Fortune has smiled upon us, as since his election, Obama has always been about the jobs.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell created jobs. After all, somebody will have to work on the military's new "wardrobe," and there is all that diversity training on LGBT issues: "dealing with a terrorist you suspect may be LGBT," and a host of other gender complications on which our military can now focus.
Had Obama not dropped a cool $100B to save the auto industry, we'd all be riding horses and buggies, in the Dark Ages, I tell you, and manufacturing of buggy whips would be done in China. BAM! Instead, due to some clever angling, Obama has given us a stronger UAW. Three hundred thousand jobs saved. We spent about $300K per job, but crisis averted.
Obama's moratorium on drilling was a boom for America's energy industry, and his policy on coal has all of Appalachia shouting, "Thank God Almighty, green at last!" Green energy, the promise of the future, has cost Americans about 200,000 jobs under Obama. However, when you balance that with the millions of new jobs that green energy could potentially create (at a later date to be determined), well, you can see why Obama conceded this trade-off.
Cash for Clunkers was to have the dual role of promoting green programs while helping the auto industry. And when coupled with Obama's home-owners' subsidies for "greenifying" their homes, well, America averted that potential Armageddon and garnered -- what, about 100 new jobs?
Though new home subsidies didn't prevent the $6.2T and counting of loss in home equity values, Obama demonstrated sexy thinking -- or, as Harry Reid said, "It could have been worse." We certainly will never know if "it could have been better." I guess we have to take Reid's word for it for now.
To further convince us that the moves which created the most foreclosed properties since The Great Depression were bold ones, Obama proposes that the Fed rent these foreclosed properties back from their owners. Doing so will avoid a market crisis (chuckle).
Be thee of light heart and rejoice in the spirit of "hope and change," for the gun and ammunition industry is booming, as are any industries related to "survival," e.g. water purification, bio-diesel generators, dehydrated foods, and so on. Kudos to Obama for giving Americans so much hope, that many of us are planning our survival for when the dollar collapses and anarchy is the order of the day.
None of that matters, though. Because Obama is turning 50, and this is big news. Despite the economic meltdown, the show must go on. This celebration is not for Obama, but for America...no, the world!
Obama is all about business, all about jobs. Everybody knows that Obama would rather forgo such an ostentatious display of over-indulgence, except the American people need this. America needs to feel good about something. It just won't be jobs.
That's my rant!
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