December 17, 2010
A White Kid's DreamBy Kevin Jackson
If you need evidence that we are indeed in a post-racial America, I have it.
In a conversation with Tom, a friend and business partner of mine, about his son, a teenager and gifted basketball athlete, the subject of what the boy wanted to be as an adult came up. Tom's son answered that he wanted to be a Harlem Globetrotter.
Talk about high aspirations. In fact, too high...for a white kid!
In a time when America has a black president, a white kid can't realistically dream of being a Harlem Globetrotter.
Not to racially profile, but there is no way a white kid can dribble like Curly Neel or fire off a hook shot like Meadowlark Lemmon, the Clown Prince of Basketball.
If the Harlem Globetrotters did allow a white guy on the team, he would surely be a token, a product of affirmative action for white folks. No self-respecting white man would want that stigma, now would he?
But let's say for a moment that Tom's kid is the second coming of Dr. J. Well, some dreams are just too big for America's white kids, because white kids can't belong to black organizations. That's just not right.
Perhaps there is a glimmer of hope, as Street Ball (AND1) allowed a white kid, nicknamed "The Professor," to play on one of their teams.
To his credit, The Professor has mad basketball skills and can hoop with the big dawgs -- a serious baller, to be sure. To my knowledge, The Professor remains the only white guy on AND1, and for all intents and purposes, The Professor is really just a black kid trapped in the body of a fish-belly white kid. He may very well be an albino, because he plays too well to be white.
The Professor talks like a black guy, walks like a black guy, and I bet he has a black girlfriend. I suggest to you that The Professor is more black than 99% of black folks, and more comfortable around black people than Barack Obama is. So the jury is still deliberating on The Professor's true ethnicity.
As for Tom's kid -- well, he talks and acts "white," except for his basketball skills, which are most definitely "black." It's a real conundrum, and to be honest, I'm not sure how to counsel my friend.
Nevertheless, this idea of white kids not "living their dreams" got me to thinking, "To what should white kids in America today aspire?"
The answer was really simple, as plain as the nose on my black face: White kids should just aspire to be black!
I suggested to Tom that he allow his son to be adopted by a black family, who would then raise the kid black. It would be like that movie The Blind Side, where a rich white woman (Sandra Bullock) takes in the poor, homeless black kid and raises him. The black kid goes on to play professional football and get a movie made about his life.
Tom's kid deserves a chance, too.
In the spirit of equal and opposite, Tom's son should be raised by a poor black family so he can realize his dream. Think of it as poor black people's way of giving back to the white youth of America.
This program would, of course, require some sort of formal declaration of being black. If males can declare themselves female, snip off some appendages, and be legally recognized as such, then I don't see why a white guy raised by blacks can't acquire a deep tan and be black. Being black would certainly make things much easier on Tom's son. Expectations would be a lot lower, as there would be built-in excuses for his failure. If white kids are raised black, they can join all the black groups that exist for minority students. Student unions remind minority kids of their ethnicity, just in case they don't have parents around as reminders.
Black groups are needed, as they perform a medicinal purpose: allowing black kids to discriminate without being discriminatory. And all white kids need to learn how to discriminate...you know, for future reference.
With the advances in DNA research, I suggest that white kids declare themselves black based on the "one drop" rule. It has certainly helped Obama, given that he is considered black, when in fact he is more white than black and acts far more white than black. Take away Michelle Obama, and Obama is a just a black man trying to pass.
The ruse of the Utopians has lowered white kids' aspirations. Instead of aspiring to be president, white kids now want to be members of the Harlem Globetrotters.
Even more telling is that white kids likely won't see the position of president as a "big deal," given the performance of the present occupant -- no role model there. Perhaps Tom's son is a just a product of his own political coming of age.
Regardless, I suggested to Tom that he get a lawyer and threaten to sue the Harlem Globetrotters so his kid could pursue his dream. Such a strategy might bring Sharpton and Jackson from under their rocks to debate the new post-racial America.