October 18, 2010
Congressional Fists of FuryBy Stella Paul
Duck! Your congressman may be swinging for your jaw -- all because you dared to disturb His Majesty by asking a question.
The Democrats can't tout their achievements because they don't have any. So instead, an increasing number of Democratic politicians are trying to reach voters -- with the business end of their fists.
Here's a quick tour of the Democrats' greatest hits...and punches, grabs, and strangulations.
Rep. Bob Etheridge (D-NC) got the ball rolling in June, when a student approached him on a Washington street and asked if he supported the Obama agenda. The seven-term congressman responded with the Jeffersonian delight in discourse we've come to expect from our Democratic overlords.
He attempted to strangle the student. Watch Congressman Etheridge in action below.
Ah, yes, it's voter-choking season in Congress. Just look into Etheridge's creepy eyes. I'm really feeling that trademark Democratic compassion, aren't you?
I bet you're aching to put your loved ones' health care decisions into this guy's hands.
Personally, I'd rather go with Renee Elmers, a surgical nurse who works with her physician husband and is running against Etheridge. She opposes ObamaCare and wants to bring practical reforms to health care based on her real-life experience. What a concept!
Besides, she looks as if I could ask her a policy question and still retain my teeth.
Then there's His Lordship, the Grand Vizier of Binghamton, Maurice Hinchey (D-NY). Since he assumed the Royal Position seventeen years ago, Hinchey apparently has grown accustomed to rose petals strewn on red carpets when he deigns to appear.
Unfortunately for him, this week, a local reporter asked a genuine question about Hinchey's apparent conflict of interest in a real estate project in which he has a financial interest and in which he earmarked for federal funds.
Enjoy Hinchey's nuanced reaction below. Why, it's The Federalist Papers come to life! Savor his kindly death rays as he thoughtfully explains, "Shut up!"
After the camera stopped filming, Hinchey reportedly kept going. He put his hand on the reporter's neck (gosh, these public servants just love strangling the public), jabbed him in the chest, and pushed him in the path of another person -- as attested to by witnesses and strongly supported by the newspaper's managing editor.
I think I'm going with his opponent, George Phillips, a regular guy who taught social studies and doesn't look as if you need to use garlic, a cross, and holy water to repel him.
Then there's the Most Exalted Royal Ballerina, Rahm Emanuel, who just pirouetted back to Chicago to anoint himself mayor.
As ex-White House Chief of Staff, former congressman Emanuel is now far too grand to punch out reporters -- he can get other reporters to do that for him.
So we were treated to the enchanting spectacle this week of a blushing throng of Chicago news guys traipsing alongside Emanuel, gushing, "What's your favorite Justin Bieber song?" when suddenly, an actual reporter asked a real question about the stimulus.
Naturally, the Royal Rahm ignored him. When the reporter persisted, Rahm's "palace guards" (as Big Journalism's Dana Loesch calls them) went to work. CBS2 anchor Jay Levine told reporter William Kelly he was going "to deck him." ABC7 political reporter Charles Thomas told Kelly to "go away."
I'm sure all Americans feel proud watching the press comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted. An arrest warrant has been issued for CBS2's Jay Levine for assault.
And lest you think the violent crime spree is confined to the Lords of Washington, hearken to the mayor of San Gabriel, California, who was arrested Friday after snatching a woman's purse and then wildly driving through the streets as she clung to his SUV.
Released on $100,000 bail, Mayor Albert Huang assured the voters, "As a public official and a former Boy Scout, I hold myself to the highest standard of conduct." Well, that certainly clears that up.
The Democrats are now armed with fists and dangerous. Should you come upon one of these enraged Congresscritters, speak softly and back slowly away. Then run like mad to the nearest voting booth -- and hit them back where it hurts the most.