July 27, 2010
Obama and the Fake TagBy Kevin Jackson
The election of Obama reminds me of years ago, when I bought a fake Tag Heuer watch while visiting Manhattan. Normally I walk right by street vendors, but this watch caught my eye. It was sleek and clean, and some described it as gorgeous. Only true Tag aficionados could tell that the watch was a fake.
The thing that impressed me about my fake Tag was that it had the "weight" of a real Tag. It didn't feel like the lightweight replicas I had seen in Mexico, China, and Africa. And the best part? My fake Tag cost me $7!
My fake Tag was made of a high-gloss "white gold" electroplate -- okay, stainless steel -- with a sea-blue oyster shell face. It had a curved glass bezel, not plastic. The contrast between the high-gloss steel and the face gave my fake Tag a regal appearance.
My fake Tag had all the real Tag markings on the back, though I certainly wasn't given papers to authenticate my fake Tag. However, if I had asked, the salesperson might have produced them.
I wore the watch everywhere and received numerous compliments, and I was so confident about my fake Tag that occasionally, I would allow questioners to inspect it firsthand. I was proud of my fake Tag. People would see my fake Tag and say things like, "I didn't know Tag made anything except diving watches. That is an exquisite Tag! Where did you get it?"
"Oh this thing..." I would deflect to keep from outright lying.
"Diving!" I thought. I didn't dare get my fake Tag near anything moist, for that would mean certain death. In rainstorms, I took off my fake Tag, placing it in the driest available pocket. If I were in a high humidity climate, I kept fake Tag near a de-moisturizer packet, again in my pocket. I treated fake Tag better than I did my real Tag, which was a true Tag diving watch.
One day a few months after acquiring my fake Tag, I found it lying on my nightstand, lifeless.
"Not for long," I panicked aloud.
I rerouted a few errands that day so I could visit a watch repair kiosk at the mall, hoping to have them breathe life back into fake Tag. I had gotten accustomed to the look of fake Tag on my wrist. Without it, I felt naked.
I approached my fake Tag's potential life-giver with mixed emotions. Would fake Tag be good enough to fool a watch expert? Would the sales clerk unknowingly compliment me as others had on my fake Tag? Or would he "out" me as a pretentious sellout for having purchased what I knew was not the real thing?
I laid my fake Tag on the countertop, and the young salesperson said, "Wow, nice Tag! You're gonna want a Tag battery for this."
I said, "Well how much is a Tag battery?"
The salesman said, "Twenty-four dollars. But you wouldn't want to skimp on a Tag by getting a Chinese battery, or you could ruin the inner workings."
Now I had a dilemma.
"Just out of curiosity, how much is the Chinese battery for a Tag?" I inquired.
The salesperson said, "Three dollars. But again, you could ruin a Tag if you...because Chinese batteries are...blah blah blah."
I didn't even hear the rest of his education on fine watches and cheap batteries. Circling through my mind was the fact that I had a $7 watch that I wanted people to believe was a $2,500 watch and the idea of putting a battery in it that was costing me more three times more than the cost of fake watch!
Liberal America in electing Obama bought a fake Tag. And the batteries have run down in less than a year. Obama may still look good, but he's draining his political juice.
The Liberals feel trapped, because they simply can't admit that they have bought a fake Tag, and maintenance of their fake costs more than the fake himself!
As for that battery salesman, I suspect he knew my Tag was a fake. Why not take advantage of somebody who was a poser? I was ripe for the picking.
The moral to the story: Don't settle for the fake, as it will cost you three times more in the end.
That's my rant!