In God We Do Not Trust

Okay, let's just cut to the chase and end the rebellion of man once and for all. We know that just saying "God is dead" was a head-fake for the masses and that the end goal was to convince everyone there was Nobody to be dead in the first place. You can't have a funeral for He Who never existed. Let's just push the envelope on over the cliff and make clear that the whole circular argument was just a setup to entice navel-gazers into theological and mental neuropathy. Everyone knows that constantly contemplating the existence, or not, of a Greater Being has a 97% chance of spiraling into self-absorption, allowing us time to bring forward new programs to fill The NonExistent One's place.

So, You Know Who is out of the way, and ditto with those Commands. There's a whole unsettled land outside those stoic boundaries, a new unfettered land of Manifest Destiny where intolerance and complaining are not only acceptable -- they're required. We are talking about a whole new promised land where a crisis is never wasted by something as mundane as an orderly, proven solution. We all know that whole bit about Mr. Entity creating order out of chaos was a crock. Get ready to reap the whirlwind, because without What's-His-Name, chaos is coming to you and your family.

Hedonism is in, and "The Old 10 Rules" are out -- and aren't we glad! What a relief that honor and integrity are just deconstructed terms of meaninglessness, while the word "is" possesses a vast ocean of nuanced intent and meaning. Everybody knows that telling the truth is a stupid idea, and the ensuing chaos created by lying creates disorder as surely as that Other Guy supposedly separated light from darkness. Nothing like a murky gray haze to keep things obfuscated from what used to be the All-Seeing Eye.

Besides, we know that in disorder, there is a Golden Mean to subdivide every aspect of our culture into fiefdoms. Just look at what we have done in the sex department. That whole male/female thing has been divided and subdivided into glorious confusion. The more confusion, the more complaints and intolerance that will need our ministrations. And don't worry about any unviable tissue mass that might form in a womb, because that whole Commandment Number Six about not committing murder is undergoing some serious revision. Remember, jettisoning those Ten Suggestions was just as important as ridding ourselves of that archaic worship of ***.

Man is the new prime mover and shaker. The seas will be lowered, the climate will change (if you pay enough), and nasty oil and gas will be things of the past. Congress will legislate the average temperature of every house, and doctors will be slaves of the state in order to provide your health care. In complete transparency, know that when we say, "man is the new prime mover and shaker," we of course mean us, not you. You should realize that your livelihoods depend on us remaining in power. Now isn't that a load of pressure off!

Thinking yourself endowed by that disposed "C" word with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is so 18th-century. You have the right to work, comrade, and if you cannot afford to be trained in an occupation, training will be appointed for you at the cost of the State. You can then work off the cost of that training through work for the State. Without that inconvenient burden of free will given by, well, Whomever, you don't have to worry about being responsible for your own life. That's our job!

What's that you say? You're not so sure about that? Better check that first sentence, comrade. We told you we were ending the rebellion of man once and for all. This ain't that Other Guy's kingdom.

Nancy Coppock is the organizer of the Bryan/College Station Texas Tea Party.
Okay, let's just cut to the chase and end the rebellion of man once and for all. We know that just saying "God is dead" was a head-fake for the masses and that the end goal was to convince everyone there was Nobody to be dead in the first place. You can't have a funeral for He Who never existed. Let's just push the envelope on over the cliff and make clear that the whole circular argument was just a setup to entice navel-gazers into theological and mental neuropathy. Everyone knows that constantly contemplating the existence, or not, of a Greater Being has a 97% chance of spiraling into self-absorption, allowing us time to bring forward new programs to fill The NonExistent One's place.

So, You Know Who is out of the way, and ditto with those Commands. There's a whole unsettled land outside those stoic boundaries, a new unfettered land of Manifest Destiny where intolerance and complaining are not only acceptable -- they're required. We are talking about a whole new promised land where a crisis is never wasted by something as mundane as an orderly, proven solution. We all know that whole bit about Mr. Entity creating order out of chaos was a crock. Get ready to reap the whirlwind, because without What's-His-Name, chaos is coming to you and your family.

Hedonism is in, and "The Old 10 Rules" are out -- and aren't we glad! What a relief that honor and integrity are just deconstructed terms of meaninglessness, while the word "is" possesses a vast ocean of nuanced intent and meaning. Everybody knows that telling the truth is a stupid idea, and the ensuing chaos created by lying creates disorder as surely as that Other Guy supposedly separated light from darkness. Nothing like a murky gray haze to keep things obfuscated from what used to be the All-Seeing Eye.

Besides, we know that in disorder, there is a Golden Mean to subdivide every aspect of our culture into fiefdoms. Just look at what we have done in the sex department. That whole male/female thing has been divided and subdivided into glorious confusion. The more confusion, the more complaints and intolerance that will need our ministrations. And don't worry about any unviable tissue mass that might form in a womb, because that whole Commandment Number Six about not committing murder is undergoing some serious revision. Remember, jettisoning those Ten Suggestions was just as important as ridding ourselves of that archaic worship of ***.

Man is the new prime mover and shaker. The seas will be lowered, the climate will change (if you pay enough), and nasty oil and gas will be things of the past. Congress will legislate the average temperature of every house, and doctors will be slaves of the state in order to provide your health care. In complete transparency, know that when we say, "man is the new prime mover and shaker," we of course mean us, not you. You should realize that your livelihoods depend on us remaining in power. Now isn't that a load of pressure off!

Thinking yourself endowed by that disposed "C" word with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is so 18th-century. You have the right to work, comrade, and if you cannot afford to be trained in an occupation, training will be appointed for you at the cost of the State. You can then work off the cost of that training through work for the State. Without that inconvenient burden of free will given by, well, Whomever, you don't have to worry about being responsible for your own life. That's our job!

What's that you say? You're not so sure about that? Better check that first sentence, comrade. We told you we were ending the rebellion of man once and for all. This ain't that Other Guy's kingdom.

Nancy Coppock is the organizer of the Bryan/College Station Texas Tea Party.