February 27, 2012
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May 24, 2010

Commencement Address Hell

By Robin of Berkeley
This is the season of college commencement speeches. The only thing I recall about mine was commencement speaker, Sen. Robert Byrd, who seemed ancient even back then, and who put us all to sleep.

Michelle Obama recently gave a speech to graduates at George Washington University. The underlying message? Do as I say, not as I do.

Also: Life sucks, and then you die. There's war and famine and an overcooked planet. Become global citizens and fix the mess! Clean the feet of lepers in Calcutta, eradicate malaria in the Sudan, and live like a monk with no personal needs.

Of course, Michelle's own personal journey has been a tad different. After she graduated from racist-infested Princeton University, Michelle made big bucks as a corporate lawyer. Working as a vice president of the University of Chicago Medical Center, she saved the hospital a bundle through patient-dumping -- sending those unable to pay to other hospitals.

Michelle, who as First Lady requires 22 personal assistants, apparently helped Barack make millions by helping convince unrepentant domestic terrorist and Hyde Park neighbor Bill Ayers to ghostwrite his long-overdue autobiography.

Not wanting to live in one of those dreary third-world shacks, Barack and Michelle entered into a shady land deal with corrupt businessman Tony Rezko, who helped the couple buy million-dollar-plus digs that were a financial stretch.

Now, if I were ever invited to give a commencement speech, my theme would be similar to Michelle's. Except instead of "Do as I say, not as I do," I'd preach, "Don't do as I say, and don't do as I do." Because after all, why should some grizzled old commencement speaker force his or her opinions on the young?

My speech would go something like this:

Dear Graduate,

Stop listening to other people. This society has been telling you how to think and what to believe for far too long.

Remember when your 9th-grade teacher said that the U.S. was the root of all evil? She was lying. It took me forty-something years to realize this. Take the time to do what I never did: Read, analyze, and figure things out on your own.

I think you'd all do better without people like Obama and Bill Ayers and that 9th-grade teacher yakking at you all the time. Many of you are doing amazingly well in spite of the Left's mind games.

For instance, there's the lovely Carrie Prejean, a former Miss California-USA, who had the guts to articulate her support for traditional marriage. And then there's the equally lovely Miss Oklahoma, Elizabeth Morgan Woolard, who stood up to the liberal media by supporting states' rights in Arizona.

And I want you to meet my latest, greatest young person: 18-year-old, Celeste Finkenbine.

Celeste's teacher humiliated her in front of the class by smearing her with that vile slang word used for tea-partiers. The teacher also based the final exam on an analysis of Michael Moore's movie Sicko without administrative approval. Celeste walked herself right over to the principal's office to register a complaint. 

I'm sure that there are innumerable Celestes out there. You observe the law and expect your leaders to do the same. Remarkably, you maintain personal integrity amidst the constant pressure to shut up, hook up, and tune out.

You offer us all hope -- real hope, not the manufactured kind. Your incandescent spirit helps to illuminate these dark times. Perhaps you had the strong hands of parents and grandparents to guide you. Maybe a connection with God has inoculated you from the propaganda.

Fortunately, you have many adult counterparts, like those strong conservative women, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Michelle Malkin, and Jan Brewer, Governor of Arizona. But this country doesn't need just bold women. We need you young males too -- desperately, actually. But don't be like the females; be real men instead.

Because this nation doesn't need any more feminized males. Our country is suffering from a paucity of strong men. 

My final words are directed toward the adults who are yapping at you all day long. This is for the teachers and politicians and media talking heads who tell you whom to vote for, what to believe, and what you should do with your one precious life.

To them I say: Unless you are the parents, grandparents, or favorite aunt, back off. Leave these kids alone. Stop the indoctrination. Rather than controlling them, start making this country a safe place for them to spread their wings.   

Allow these youths to have their dreams, even if among them lies the one you discredit: the American dream. Stop turning their dreams into Kafkaesque nightmares.

Heed the wise words of the poet Kahlil Gibran. Though he wrote them almost a hundred years ago, he could have been preaching to you, Michelle and Barack, and to you, Safe Schools Czar Kevin Jennings, and to most of the teachers in the land:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself. . .
You may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not
their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even
in your dreams.

A frequent AT contributor, Robin is a recovering liberal and a psychotherapist in Berkeley.
on "Commencement Address Hell"
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