March 1, 2010
We Need a Ready-for-Prime-Time Barack Obama ImpersonatorBy Harold Witkov
Over the years, the Democrats and mainstream media have perfected a litany of ways to smear a conservative's character and image. Take, for instance, Sarah Palin. While bending over backwards to grant Barack Obama the benefit of every doubt, Governor Palin has been under the microscope since her entrance upon the national stage. For her, an army of journalists went to Alaska looking for dirt, every word in her book was painstakingly overanalyzed, and then there was the bogus "Troopergate" story. Late-night "comics" make jokes at her expense; Levi Johnston, a dimwitted and untalented teenager, mysteriously becomes an icon; Robert Gibbs reads from scribble on his palm; and Katie Couric is celebrated as a great journalist because of her "gotcha" question. Then there was the so-very-effective Tina Fey and her "I can see Russia from my house."
The negative impact Tina Fey and her Sarah Palin impersonation had upon the last presidential election, in my opinion, was considerable, especially with young voters. Whereas the old saying, "Imitation is the highest form of flattery," may normally be true, in the caricature form that Tina Fey chose to imitate Sarah Palin, imitation was but another Democrat smear tactic.
Do not for a moment think that the Tina Fey impression of Sarah Palin was just in good fun. It was a malicious attempt by Tina Fey, promoted by the media, to get voters not to take Sarah Palin seriously, and therefore, it was intended to influence the outcome of the election. Poor Ms. Fey -- she once shared with David Letterman that she has no sway, that she can't even "sway my kids to use the potty." It is not her fault that the woman she likes to do an impression of acts like "[s]he got lost in a corn maze."
As the saying goes, "Two can play at this game."
To do so, we need to come up with a first-rate, prime-time President Obama impersonator. First, we start with a prime-time Barack Obama impersonator talent search contest across the nation in the same format as American Idol. We are seeking the one person who can best look like, sound like, and capture the physical mannerisms of the president. When we find our man, we provide him a monologue that includes the following:
"Let me be clear...John...We're not campaigning anymore. The election is over."
"Let me be clear...Over the last fifteen months, we've traveled to every corner of the United States. I've now been in 57 states."
"Let me be clear...My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it."
"Let me be clear...The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn't. But she is a typical white person ..."
"Let me be clear...I've been fighting ... alongside ACORN, on issues you care about, my entire career."
"Let me be clear...You can't go take a trip to Las Vegas or go down to the Super Bowl on the taxpayer's dime."
"Let me be clear...In America, there's a failure to appreciate Europe's leading role in the world."
"Let me be clear...America has shown arrogance...At times we sought to dictate our terms."
"Let me be clear...The United States has been enriched by Muslim Americans...I know, because of my Muslim faith."
"Let me be clear... I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."
"Let me be clear... I don't know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts ... but I think it's fair to say ... that the Cambridge police acted stupidly."
"Let me be clear ...We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation."
"Let me be clear ... I won."
Are some of the above quotations, perchance, taken out of context? Does it matter? Does it matter that I inserted Obama's favorite phrase "Let me be clear" every time? Did it matter that Sarah Palin never said, "I can see Russia from my house"?
While we are at it, let us make sure that our Barack Obama impersonator pronounces the word corpsman incorrectly as "corpse-man." He should also be good at bowing. Perhaps we could kick off his imitation debut with a made-for-TV movie called "The Obamas." We could write a behind-the-scenes unflattering script -- something like what was done in The Reagans.
Let me be the one to be clear this time. What I am talking about is a top-notch Barack Obama imitator and not some not-ready-for-prime-timer who makes a fleeting TV appearance now and then that momentarily pokes fun at the president. I am also not talking about some Obama lookalike who goes on Jay Leno just for the purpose of making fun of Sarah Palin. I am talking about a real talent who will day after day perform "I am Barack Obama, and I am a buffoon," and do it with the same gusto that Tina Fey did Sarah Palin and Chevy Chase did Gerald Ford.
I am quite aware that no matter how funny and talented our impersonator will be, the mainstream media and television talk show hosts are going to try to ignore him. To counter this, we start by booking him in Vegas (the city Obama hamstrung via his reckless comments). We see to it that "our Barack" provides oratory at every Tea Party gathering and major conservative event in the country, and that he is a featured speaker at the Republican National Convention. He can't be ignored forever. And if Mel Gibson can make a blockbuster movie without the help of mainstream Hollywood, then with enough money and creative marketing, our "Barack Obama," like Tina Fey, could one day rise to "Entertainer of the Year" status.
Many may think that President Obama is so popular in the African-American community that it will be impossible to find a talented lookalike impersonator willing to work at deflating the Barack Obama image balloon on a day-to-day basis. I disagree. Amongst the hundreds of thousands of African-Americans who have lost their jobs in the past year because of Barack Obama, I am confident that we can find someone willing to return the favor.