September 25, 2009
The Real Nuclear OptionBy Gene Schwimmer
Appeasement aficionados no doubt can barely contain their excitement as they count down the days to October 1, when the U.S., cowering behind a risible "multi-party" smokescreen, sits down with the Iranians to determine how best to give the terrorist-supporting state (note to Liberals: "terrorist-supporting" refers to Iran, not America) sufficient time to put the finishing touches on their atomic bomb.
What does this mean? For the Obama Administration, it means is that, since October 1 is taken, they'll have to find another other day to hold its direct talks with North Korea. Hopefully, with 364 other days from which to choose, the North Koreans will not be too greatly inconvenienced. For if North Korea walk out this time, what does Obama offer next to bring them back to the table? One-half-on-one-half talks? They talk and we just listen? (Or are we already doing that?)
And of course, two years after Israel destroyed Syria's nuclear reactor project (partially funded by North Korea, by the way), Obama "punished" Syria by sending two diplomats to Syria, to discuss directly with the Syrians "how to seal best [sic] the Syrian border with Iraq and fuel the stalling Syrian-Israeli negotiations." (Stalled, perhaps, because the Syrians were busy building a nuclear reactor?)
Like Dirty Harry, I know what you're thinking: The U.S. Is talking with Israel, isn't it? No, the U.S. is talking at Israel -- freeze your settlements, freeze your plans to destroy Iran's nuclear capability before it destroys you, freeze your asses off in the resulting nuclear winter. Talking at, instead of to, a country of us consider an ally doesn't count.
Let's see, what else? In the underside of a bus already crowded with Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama's grandmother, Bill Ayers, Van Jones, Poland, the Czech Republic and others, Obama's Secretary of State managed to fit the over a billion Chinese. We can't talk to China about human rights and risk China not wanting to talk to us, now, can we? And of course, we can't put purely defensive missiles in the Czech Republic and Poland if it means that the Russians might not talk to us. Why even get up in the morning if our enemies, competitors and adversaries won't talk to us?
Can there possibly be anyone on the planet with whom Barack Obama does not want to talk?
As a matter of fact, there is:
So. Here, we have a president willing to send his envoys around the world, willing to travel all the way to Cairo to talk to the "Muslim world" (and at the 5.5 million Jews-half the "Jewish world"). But he cannot bring himself to sit down with a group of his fellow Americans, in America, if those Americans happen to belong to the Republican Party.
Mr. President, as one of those Republicans to whom you will not speak, I am deeply hurt. But mostly, I'm jealous. You're willing to pull your diplomatic pants down and bend over for every two-bit (and one-bit; see Hugo Chavez) tinhorn tyrant out there, but you won't talk to us. What do the Iranians, North Koreans, Syrians, Chinese, and Russians have that we don't?
That's when it, and inspiration, hit me. What these guys have that we Republicans don't is... nuclear weapons or, at least, the potential to acquire them. And therein, I believe, lies the means by which to get Barack Obama to sit down and talk to us Republicans.
The Republican Party needs to become a nuclear power.
Go ahead , laugh if you must, but I'm serious. Give us a nuke and the Democrats will have to talk to us. Let's see them try to blow us off when we have the power to blow them up.
When Senate Democrats filibustered George W. Bush's judicial nominations, the then-GOP majority spoke of a "nuclear option." And they were right, but only half-right. Yes, the GOP needs a nuclear option, but not as a euphemism for a Senate rule. We need a real one. Instead of building bridges to women, minorities and independents, we need to be building (or renting; more on this in a moment) centrifuges, and we need to start building them now.
Can we actually do it? Yes, we can! These easy-to-follow instructions, readily available on the Internet, will let the nuclear scientists in the party get started on the hardware while the rest of us start scrounging up the uranium. Fortunately, we won't have to scrounge far. Everyone knows that the Republican Party is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Wall Street and it just so happens that at least one Wall Street firm, Lehman Brothers, has 500,000 pounds of the stuff-just about enough, by fortuitous coincidence, for one bomb. Even one bomb should be enough to get the attention of even the most recalcitrant Democrat as long as we're careful to use it threaten some major metropolitan area that the country cares about, as opposed to, say, my home town of Detroit, where a nuclear blast would barely be noticed.
And why shouldn't Lehman sell to us all the uranium we want or at least all the uranium they have? We've been carrying Wall Street's water, and cleaning up their &#%@, for as long as there's been a Wall Street, as any Liberal will tell you. It's high time those three-martini-lunched fat cats did something for us.
As of April 14, according to Lehman, the value of 500,000 pounds of uranium was $20 million. $20 million? What's $20 million? A rounding error on some hedge fund honcho's bonus check. Heck, even the RNC managed to raise $6 million in just one month.
Of course, there's also the matter, and expense, of building the thousands of centrifuges we would need to enrich all that uranium. So follow my thinking: Since Obama has already broken the ice and started talking with Iran, instead of building our own centrifuges, why don't we ask the Iranians if we can rent some time on theirs?
An insane plan, you say? Audacious? Perhaps even a little dangerous? Well, on the one hand, I must admit, yes, a nuclear GOP, could, possibly, be one or more of those things.
On the other hand, it just might work.
And since Obama isn't talking with us Republicans anyway, what have we got to lose?