August 27, 2008
The Life of BarryBy J.R. Dunn
In entertainment news, it has been confirmed that the surviving members of Monty Python will reunite to film a remake of their classic religious satire, Life of Brian.
The new version will be titled Life of Barry, and will be updated to reflect changing realities since the release of the earlier film in 1979. "Barry will be a messiah for the new millennium," said a spokesman for the troupe. "He will enable us to look at ourselves in a new way, to shine a new light on our beliefs, foibles, and prejudices. He will also stop the oceans from rising, heal the planet, end the war, and restore our country's image as the last, best hope on earth."
AT has obtained a number of pages from the scenario outlining scenes that we can look forward to seeing in the completed picture.
Barry and the Vice-Presidential Candidate taken in Adultery
BARRY comes upon an unruly crowd. He asks an onlooker what is happening.
Barry strides into the crowd and stands before the candidate, who is lying in the street holding up the hem of a robe as protection against the stones. Barry throws his arms wide: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
The angry mob stares at Barry, then drop their stones one by one and walk off, some muttering to themselves. "See what happens to your poll ratings now, fella," one calls back.
Barry turns back to the candidate. Dropping the hem of his robe, JOHN EDWARDS gets to his feet. "Man, you came along just in time."
The Miracle of the Fish Bone
A DESPERATE WOMAN approaches BARRY holding a child in her arms. "Messiah," she cries out. "Save my child! She is choking on a fish bone."
Barry gazes pensively at the child then turns to his disciples. They confer for a moment or two. "That's not a child," a disciple insists. "That's a fetus."
At last Barry turns back to the woman. "Sorry ma'am," he says. "That's above my pay grade."
Barry is Tempted by the Devil
SATAN and BARRY are standing together at a high place. Satan waves an arm. "Behold the kingdoms of the earth! All can be yours, if you but do my bidding."
The Miracle of the Votes and Registrations
BARRY is observing the voting on Election Day when he is approached by PETER.
Barry Enters Washington
Two JUDAEAN PEASANTS approach Pennsylvania Avenue on inauguration day. They are called to a halt by a CENTURION and a SECRET SERVICE AGENT.
Centurion (pointing to a herd of asses across the street): "They're changing to the asses when they get here, to ride the rest of the way into town. It's a global warming thing."
A disciple appears and hands each of the peasants a palm frond.
At the cross street a limo appears. But instead of turning, it drives across Pennsylvania Avenue and on out of sight, followed by several other cars. They all gaze after it for a long moment. At last a voice cries out, "Get those asses up to Connecticut Avenue!"
The disciple reappears, snatching the palm fronds from the peasants and running across the street after the braying asses.
Barry in the Oval Office
BARRY is being shown the facilities of the Oval Office by a WHITE HOUSE STAFFER.
And Barry was struck sore wroth, and the staffer was thrust into the outer darkness, where there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth...
Other scenes will include Barry leading the multitudes in chants of "Yes, we can!", Barry flogging the lobbyists in the temple rotunda, Barry driving the devils out of Nancy Pelosi, the raising of the dead voters, the conversion of Hillary Magdalene, and Barry being tormented by Pilate at the impeachment hearings. ("What is ‘is'?")
Terry Gilliam will helm. While casting is not yet completed, it has been confirmed that Eric Idle will play Satan, Terry Jones will play Peter, and, though not in the best of health, John Cleese will play Nancy Pelosi. As for Barry, we are reliably informed that Ricky Fataar, who appeared alongside Idle as a member of the Rutles in All You Need is Cash is being seriously considered - that is, if they can get him to trim his dreadlocks.
J.R. Dunn is consulting editor of American Thinker.