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May 19, 2008 The Omniphobia EpidemicBy James LewisLet us now take counsel of our fears. We're afraid of ozone and CO2. We're afraid of smog and cigarette smoke. We're afraid of Republicans because they are warmongers, and of Democrats because they are in utter denial of the real world. We're afraid the earth is warming -- or freezing. Our bee populations are now collapsing. A new kind of voracious ant is invading. Only 20,000 polar bears are left in Alaska, way down, from, oh, about 20,000 previously. Flesh-eating bacteria are attacking people in Africa, again. According to the Daily Telegraph of London, we should be afraid of fat people because they pollute more than skinny ones -- don't ask why -- but we're also worried about millions of skinny people who are finally getting their chance to eat better. We're afraid of drilling for too much oil. But we're also afraid of pumping too little oil. We could switch to nuclear-powered electric energy, like the French have done, but that word "nuclear" just turns people off. Nuclear plants might just go up in a mushroom cloud some day, or so the naïve believe. We could exploit our huge coal reserves, but coal looks dirty. See the pattern? It sounds like omniphobia to me, the fear of everything. Omniphobia was never seen before in the annals of medicine, at least not before the most media-maddened society in history. (That's us.) But you can't miss it today. Omniphobia is all around us, and it'll get us in the end. Once upon a time, liberals listened to a man who famously said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." How times change! Let me add a new phobia for your personal delectation. Remember, CO2 is what you breathe out. Oxygen is what you breathe in. We know that CO2 will destroy the earth through fire and ice, according to the celebrated scientist Al Gore and the Nobel Peace Prize Committee. But did you know that long before we burn, a hundred years from now, innocent little oxygen will kill you? It's a fact. Now this is frightening, because oxygen is practically the only good chemical left, in the public's mind. Just look at all the laundry detergents that come with "cleansing oxygen!" That's a big selling point, because oxygen sounds like it's good for you. It's in the air you breathe! In mountain resorts like Aspen the stores sell "oxygen bottles" for twenty dollars apiece to help tourists breathe at the high altitude. Unfortunately those bottles only contain pressurized air, which is about 21 % oxygen, exactly what you get by taking a breath that's free of charge. Some capitalist swine is taking an air pump, probably in his local garage, and pumping air into spray cans, marking it up $19.95, and getting rich because "oxygen" sounds so good. But it's all a myth peddled by Big Air. Oxygen will kill you, because all the molecules in your body get oxidized. All the good tofu you're eating, all the vitamins, the healthy fish oil, all the cells in your body eventually get oxidized. True. That oxygen you breathe in falls apart into nasty killer molecules called "free radicals" (no known relation to Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn, but it's the same basic idea). Free radicals latch onto the nearest good molecule and stop it from working. That's why antioxidants like Vitamin C and E are important. They hunt down the free oxygen radicals like tiny Elliot Nesses, and cart them to jail. Unfortunately, with every breath you take you get more oxygen, and make more free radicals. If you have wrinkly skin, you can blame free radicals. If you're getting arthritis, it's those radicals again. If your skin is peeling after a day at the beach, guess what? Yup. Oxygen isn't the safest molecule in the world. It's practically the scariest. So what can we do? We are not supposed to breathe out because we're polluting the planet with CO2. We're not supposed to breathe in, because we're putting killer oxygen into our bodies. We can't pass gas, because methane is a greenhouse gas. We can't eat meat because animal protein is destroying the earth. And we can't plant and eat veggies, because trillions of plants around the globe just keep on putting out ... more oxygen. Well, excuse me for breathing, as they used to say in Brooklyn. They thought that was a big joke. But that was before the age of ecological enlightenment. We're doomed. Before I forget, will the last guy outta here please turn off the lights? We do have a Planet to save, you know. James Lewis blogs at dangeroustimes.wordpress.com/
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Comments
Maybe all the fear mongering is fodder ie:content for the 24/7 news networks. There was far less national angst before the cable news networks existed.
They have many hours to fill with news content and fear keeps people interested in watching.
The real question is how many are actually paying attention.
Posted by: Phil | May 19, 2008 07:25 AM
Aren't the kinds of "end of days" feelings you parody here usually an indication of a society in decline? What do you suppose happens when only half of a society is "omniphobic"? Is there any way to subdue the Kool-Aid drinkers, or will they sink the whole ship?
Posted by: Bob Myer | May 19, 2008 07:41 AM
'The real question is how many are actually paying attention.'
I stopped watching TV about six months ago and my life has been so much for the better.
Seriously, don't watch TV and you will understand just how depressing and full of angst, fear, hysteria it has become.
Posted by: syn | May 19, 2008 07:49 AM
I agree that 24/7 news is a problem. The producers and readers are basically ignorant, their four points coming in courses like thecniques of blow drying and how to keep you teeth and white and smile wide, forget about anything that would give context to their babble. It also comes from the rise of multicultarilism and the so called post modern era. English Departments have successfully devolved objective truth to non objective perception. Most of these folks take their comfort for granted and sit around counting angels on the head of a pin supporting their self perception as elite intellectuals without realizing they are the modern version of the patent medicince peddler. The culture of the polar bear is equivalent to the culture of man in their eyes. So fear reigns as our instituions of education fail to give folks the tools to analyze and evaluate. This is the post 60's anti capitalist climax, kill it from inside. The political class loves fear as it insures their undeserved power. In some ways this has gone on for centuries but the 24/7 cable channels have provided a medium which metatastizes this cancer rapidly and perhaps fatally. They could care less, ratings and position serve as their gods.
Posted by: jr435y | May 19, 2008 09:25 AM
He forgot to mention that the evil ozone is O3. Three atoms of oxygen.
Posted by: Maurice McClung | May 19, 2008 09:39 AM
I remember a very funny episode of the Tracy Ullman Show, back in the 80s, where Julie Kavner began to list all her fears for the good doctor. She seemed to have them all, but my favorite fear was this: Stalling in the middle of a four way intersection and being slammed simultaneously on all four sides by cars ignoring their stop signs. THAT would be the ultimate fear.
Posted by: Jewel | May 19, 2008 09:58 AM
I quit watching television about 3 years ago, so, by the time I find out about the newest danger to my life or the planet, the scare is pretty much over and the media has moved on to the next disaster of the day. I suppose that makes me sort of uninformed - but I sure do worry a lot less.
Posted by: Mamba1-0 | May 19, 2008 10:16 AM
Has anyone else read Michael Crichton's STATE OF FEAR?
Posted by: Byron | May 19, 2008 11:16 AM
As my momma used to say, "ain't none of us getting out of this alive." We are all going to die of something, sometime. I refuse to live my life in fear of dying...seems a little counterproductive, if you know what I mean, that's all. It's the job of the media and environmental whack jobs to keep us scared so we'll keep tuning in and keeping them flush financing one cause or another. It's a beautiful spring day and high time for me to go plant my tomatoes.
Posted by: marybel | May 19, 2008 11:49 AM
The true curse of being intelligent is not having the wisdom to use the hordes of information properly. Foolishness is magnified so greatly that it has reached critical mass (both meanings, normal and pun, intended).
Posted by: Dan-O | May 19, 2008 12:37 PM
CO2 really can become bad news. It is postulated that a concentration of 5000parts/million parts atmosphere is unhealthy. We are currently at 380ppm.
At our present uncontrolled "Spewing" of CO2 at the rate of an increase of 1.5ppm/year, and if we doubled that figure, it would take over 1500 years to reach "unhealthy" levels (3547 AD to be exact).
But we are going to have to "buy" protection now, in the form of Carbon Credits. I can hardly wait to run around watching my "Carbon Footprint" with a few of these "Credits" (as in Star Trek) in my billfold.
Now what we should really worry about is Di-hydrogen Monoxide. This stuff in quanity and unrestricted can cause untold damage. It will dissolve anything, it destroys metals and man-made strutures, people can die in it. It is by all measures the most dangerous of all greenhouse gasses. It is singularly, with the help of solar activity, the root cause of Cyclones, tornados, and most all other weather phenomenon.
This is scary stuff. I wonder when the ALGORIAN Cultists will introduce and creat a market for H2O Credits.
PC will get us all
LEE
Posted by: Lee Hazel | May 19, 2008 01:55 PM
It's not just oxygen. Studies show that 100% of people who consume dihydrogen monoxide eventually die.
Posted by: James Beam | May 19, 2008 02:00 PM
This article was very humorous, but Americans certainly do have some things to fear.
One example, largely ignored by the media, politicians, and many Americans, is the absolute chaos that is taking place south if the border.
Mexico is completely awash in violence fueled by the drug trade, a trade largely made possible by the US's refusal to secure its borders.
Just today Fox News ran a story titled "Drug Cartels to Mexican Police: 'Join Us or Die'"
The drug cartels in Mexico have declared open season on the police forces of that State. The police forces, under funded, understaffed, and rife with corruption, are giving ground to these drug czars all over the country.
"It's almost like a military fight," said Jayson Ahern, the deputy commissioner of U.S. Customs and Border Protection."
According to the article, Last week, "U.S. officials revealed that three Mexican police commanders have crossed into the United States to request asylum, saying they are unprotected and fear for their lives."
The cartels in Mexico operate with nearly total immunity. A Google search [admittedly not a perfect tool for assessing the situation, but valuable nonetheless] of the phrase "Mexico drug cartel police] turns 685,000 matches. I quick read thru a couple of dozen reveals that nearly all are related to the killing of cops and soldiers by the cartel's hit squads.
his problem is not only Mexico's. With America's porous border and laughable enforcement of immigration laws these criminals are not only doing business in America, they are coming there to stay and bring their criminal lifestyle with them.
Latin American gangs, such as the notorious MS-13, who have been know to use paramilitary tactics and such weapons as explosives and AK-47's, are becoming increasingly widespread and violent throughout major American cities.
Do you really want to see El Paso turn into Ciudad Juarez, or San Diego turn into Tijuana?
Americans must make that decision and then speak up loud enough so that the politicians will have to listen.
Maybe your job is not in danger of being lost to an illegal immigrant, but the next home invasion by a dozen heavily armed Latin American gang members may take place in your neighborhood.
Are you laughing now?
Posted by: Matthew-Jerusalem | May 19, 2008 02:56 PM
syn, I thought I was the only person living that had stopped watching or listening to any kind of network or cable news. I too am a very happy newsless person.
Posted by: a l farina | May 19, 2008 03:21 PM
Just wait until people find out that they may indeed have dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) in their bodies already! Doom for us all!!!
Wramblin' Wreck
Posted by: Wramblin' Wreck | May 19, 2008 03:35 PM
Just think every time you take a breathe in you kill brain cells also. May we should all just hold our breathe and getit over with now.
I am sickand tired of all the scare mongering by the environmentalist wackos. Yes, State of Fearwas a great book and I see a lot of what was in there in the MSM and Doom and Gloomers. We areall going to die because of CO2, Hurricanes, Vacanoes, dihydrogen monoxide, Oxygen, Free Radicals, Liberals, Islamists. You knwo what I am gongto live the life I want and die having lived life. I am not going to let them scare me, becasue I have a mind of my own and see that most of thier science is not science atall, it is politics pure and siimple
Posted by: Stix | May 19, 2008 04:19 PM
I have to read 4 posts to figure out what Di-Hydrogen Monoxide. Sheesh, I am slow.
Posted by: Nick-C | May 19, 2008 04:47 PM
The only thing we have to fear is the fearmongering in the fear market - which is really booming right now. Best to stay home and hide under the bed.
Posted by: Jewel | May 19, 2008 11:23 PM
My greatest fear: President Obama
Posted by: Balack Hussein Obomba | May 20, 2008 06:29 AM
The solution is to look green, even if you are not!
So algore can use twenty times the National Average in Electricity every month, but as long as he buys carbon offsets and talks green that is all that counts. Robert Redford HATES his Ford F-450 quad cab, long bed, 4 X 4 truck, and wants a Hybrid, but he needs that truck to carry his family and tow the horse trailer with all the horses in it, so they can go riding for the day.
Talk Green and hate your SUV or Pickup.
You can buy carbon credits for just a few bucks. When you get to the site, say that you only drive a couple of thousand miles a year, no one checks. And make sure that you get a nice big Carbon Credit bumper sticker too!
So when some prius owner says that you are not "green", point to your carbon offset sticker and ask where is theirs? Your SUV will be more "green" than their prius
Posted by: mobius | May 20, 2008 12:24 PM
What? Me afraid?... I'm backing someone who KNOWS what to do next...
Posted by: RamahG | May 20, 2008 07:48 PM
If I were presently a blogger, my biggest fear would be no replies to my posts. My second fear after reading the posts I did get would be, whose sanity here is in question? Mine for sticking with it, or theirs for comments they leave?
I think that covers the sum of all blogging fears, don't you?
Posted by: quiller | June 1, 2008 01:00 PM