May 6, 2008
Hamas Needs Shrinks Without BordersBy Kyle-Anne Shiver
To mark Holocaust Remembrance Day this month, the homicidal maniacs of Hamas outdid even their most deranged Islamic brethren by putting out a film claiming that the Jews secretly planned and carried out 6 million deaths of their own people.
And what is the bizarre reason Hamas television gives for the Jews committing this heinous deception?
Why, the Jews did it, of course, to be rid of their own sick, handicapped and special-needs folks. Everyone knows how brutal the Jews are to their own kin and countrymen.
And, wouldn't you just know it? Hamas says it has verifiable proof.
In some other-worldly dimension, in whatever kind of perverted reality these people share, this insanity must make some sort of sense.
Evidently, Jimmy Carter's latest form of diplomacy therapy was not terribly effective.
So, it's time for every liberal, Palestinian-supporting leftist in the country to drop whatever she is doing, to stop in her tracks and contact every shrink on her rolodex. Every single one of these specially trained docs is needed immediately by these dangerous lunatics calling themselves Hamas.
And the shrinks need to be armed to the teeth; our soldiers are needed at the moment elsewhere.
These Hamas people have had enough guns, bombs and rockets to do untold damage, and they have not a shred of self-control left among them, as evidenced by this grotesquely monstrous film.
Body armor will be a must and it might be best for every doc to have all earthly affairs in order, just in case there aren't enough potent drugs to subdue all the lunatics before shrinks start falling.
Not to worry though, Georgians, at this very moment, are contacting Jimmy Carter to make certain he accompanies all the Shrinks Without Borders. He will be committed, I'm sure, to talking the group's way through whatever fire power the loonies have. James Earl Carter is certainly a man of unequaled courage, and he has after all, won the Nobel Peace Prize.
So, all of our liberal shrinks will be in good hands.
I'm sure he'll be up to this task and won't let any of our brave docs down.
But just in case Mr. Carter thinks he'll need more help for this mission, I'm sure that Louis Farrakhan, Jesse Jackson and Jeremiah Wright will be first on the line to volunteer. I'm certain they wouldn't want to miss this humanitarian mission to a people who need their understanding and compassion.
Now, since there are far too many Hamas loonies on the loose to bring back to the United States, and since we have enough of the loony left already on our hands, it will be necessary for all the docs who go to stay and treat the maniacs on site until every single one can be cured.
I haven't checked, but I think we can be fairly certain that the Israelis will gladly put up the funds and manpower to construct a gigantic asylum, complete with soundproof rubber rooms and as many shock therapy devices as will be necessary to house and properly treat the entire herd of Hamas lunatics, along with their new peace keepers. Just to be on the safe side for the next 100 or so years, we'll make sure they add a 50-foot wall, with tons of barbed wire and electronic alert devices around the entire asylum.
And if all goes off well, the entire world, not to mention the beleaguered Israelis, will be deeply in the debt of Jimmy Carter and the Shrinks Without Borders. The whole world will rejoice. We will finally, after all these many years, after all these many innocent deaths at the hands of these lunatics, be able to say that Jimmy Carter took an actual, genuinely humanitarian step in his long-promised Middle East Peace process.
As a special bonus, my own state of Georgia will be free at last - free at last - of Jimmy Carter.
And the world can be proud that one group of lunatics is put away. How many more will that make? Well, the longest journey does begin with a single step. So, we'll just take it one group at a time.