May 21, 2008
Barry honey, can we talk?By Kyle-Anne Shiver
Senator Obama, I think it might be time for you to do a bit of adjustment on that attitude of yours. Time to ditch some of that peevish audacity and pick up an ounce of humility.
For one thing, you might want to remember that when you're out on the campaign trail, the professional female reporters are not your little maidservants, nor your girlfriends, not even your adoring groupies. And they don't fetch your coffee or even want your autograph. Calling them, "sweetie," as you condescendingly brush off their legitimate questions is starting to cause voters concern that you are somewhat uncouth without your programmed teleprompter.
But since you adopted an informal tone when speaking to members of the fairer sex, I will return the favor here, and call you Barry honey, as if we were talking across the counter of a diner in my own South.
As a lawyer, you must know that if you had called this woman, "sweetie," in the workplace, you could have been on the receiving end of a sexual harassment charge, the kind of the thing you liberals seem to love in theory but can't seem to live up to in practice. Bill Clinton is the model for this unseemly Democrat trait, but he is probably not the kind of man that someone like you, trying to pass himself off as an unblemished new kind of candidate, would want to emulate.
And, Barry honey, these lordly asides of yours might work for the little tyrant calling himself the president of Iran, and other narcissistic dictators like Chavez and Castro, but it would seem wise for you to start remembering that you are attempting to get yourself democratically elected as the President of the United States of America. And we Americans prefer our Presidents to be quite a bit more egalitarian.
They did teach you that word, "egalitarian," at Columbia and Harvard, did they not? Our all-are-created-equal "thing" in the U.S. Constitution is something we bitter folks in mainstream America cling to -- like we do our religion and our guns. But you ought to know that. You are, after all, a constitutional lawyer, are you not?
And, Barry honey, you ought not to assume that just because you send tingles up the leg of Chris Matthews, you do the same to every female. A few of us are actually immune to what you apparently deem your universal sexual appeal. David Axelrod, confirmed this mysterious allure of yours, with numerous focus groups of white women before unleashing you upon the campaign trail. But it does come across as quite conceited, arrogant, narcissistic and impervious when you automatically assume that every woman in the entire world equally shares this mystical attraction.
Barry honey, take a word of caution from this wiser, older woman:
Untamed conceit puts a gaping dent in the armor of any would-be Lancelot.
Thinking you are God's gift to women will get you nowhere fast with those of us smart enough to see through your perfectly polished, wearing-thinner-by-the-day veneer.
Which, Barry honey, brings us to the matter of your wife.
It has come to my attention that you have taken grave umbrage at the words of your wife, Michelle, being used in political ads. I believe I read that you sent a message, via network television, that you expect Republicans to "lay off" your wife, and that you consider using her campaign speeches in ads reflecting badly on you to be "unacceptable" and downright "low class."
Barry honey, at the risk of seeming picayune here, I would like to remind you that your wife has, for months now, been speaking in public as your other half, your surrogate, your marriage partner, your equal in every single way. Much has even been made of her own professional cred. Michelle may dress and style her hair like Jackie, but she certainly has not been the quiet, unobtrusive helpmate staying in the shadows while you, her husband, take to campaigning. And she is a lawyer herself, is she not?
So, as a simple matter of common sense, we Americans would have expected you to ensconce your little woman safely on the home front, if she is too squeamish to handle the scrutiny we necessarily give to our candidates for the highest office in the Land.
Which brings us to the matter of the current ongoing job interview for the Presidency.
You seem, Barry honey, to be of the opinion that you, the interviewee, set the guidelines and behavioral rules for the interview.
We, the voters, should not need to remind you that we are the interviewers, and we, not you, make the rules.
We are not your doting grandparents, willing to look the other way while you dabbled in drugs and who knows what else. You, Barry honey, are not the object of undying adoration of all of us. Probably not even of a majority, though you are able to draw quite a crowd in towns like Madison and Portland.
And we are not your mommy either. As you poignantly revealed in your memoir, you felt that you were one of your mother's "social experiments," a real personal encounter with a racially mixed, more perfect society. It must feel horrible to be used in such a callous fashion, and I feel great empathy for the boy forced to endure it.
But, Barry honey, it's time to grow up now and fully understand that the Presidency is much too big, much too harrowing and far too dangerous to us all to be conducting social experiments. We, the guardians of this great Nation, are duly charged with taking responsibility for the person who largely guides our own fates and those in dependent countries around the world. This is not something to be taken lightly or even with too much audacity.
Seeking the Presidency of the United States of America requires a great deal more humility than audacity.
So, Barry honey, if you think now that you and your wife, Michelle, are not up to withstanding the harsh glare and critical nature of this interview, we will certainly understand if you decide that it's in the best interests of America and the world for you to withdraw from our consideration.
We will understand and we will not fault you for brashly jumping the gun a bit when you made the monumental decision to place your hat in this awesome ring.
At the end of the day, Barry honey, we Americans tend to save electing geniality and social-experiment presidents for peacetime.
In times of war, we generally go with the one who garners our respect.
Kyle-Anne Shiver is a frequent contributor to American Thinker. She welcomes your comments at http://www.kyleanneshiver.com/.