Confessions of a Little BIGOIL Baron

As retirees with limited incomes, my wife and I were feeling the pinch of rising energy prices like everyone else. A couple of years ago, following my Capitalist Pig instincts, of which Rush Limbaugh has made me proud, I decided to heed an age-old truism, "If you can't lick ‘em, join ‘em," as well as one of the Maharushie's maxims, "When you're handed lemons, make lemonade."

I decided that if we were going to be contributing to the obscene profits the Democrats and Drive-by Media claim BIGOIL companies are reaping, we might as well share in them by owning some energy company stocks. After several days of careful internet research, I purchased a few thousand dollars of a Vanguard natural resources mutual fund and converted the cash accumulation of my wife's life insurance policy from a modestly performing bond mutual fund into another high performing energy resources mutual fund from Jennison.

Now when I look at a pump and see the price has jumped several more cents per gallon, instead of my old reaction of shock and anger at those BIGOIL robber barons, I now stand there watching those digits climb higher and higher on the pump, calculating how this latest increase is going to translate into performance growth in those mutual funds. By the time I hang the nozzle back on the pump, I'm usually smiling.

You see, for the last two years the growth in value of our modest investment in those funds not only has covered all our gasoline bills for three cars but also our residential gas and electric bills, with enough left over to pay the insurance on all three automobiles. Believe me, it's a nice feeling driving away from the gas station knowing you just got another free fill-up.

Owning energy stocks and mutual funds can carry some risks and inevitably there will be periodic price fluctuations as a result of geo-political events. I would never counsel anyone, especially retirees, to invest more than a very small portion of their savings in energy stocks because of that volatility. But when one considers that demand for petroleum products is increasing steadily, fueled by economic growth in high-population, energy-dependent countries like China and India, while oil and natural gas reserves are diminishing all around the world, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand that the prices of those resources are inevitably going to increase in the long term. Americans, long accustomed to artificially low fuel costs are going to feel pain at the pump as we are compelled to share ever scarcer fuel products with hundreds of millions of nouveau, middle-class Indians and Chinese who rightfully feel entitled to their own version of the American Dream. The best way to mitigate that pain is to profit from it.

So, my fellow Americans, instead of standing there at the pump, futilely damning that Drive-by Media bogeyman, BIGOIL, consider investing in those selfsame energy producing companies that you now feel are holding a nozzle to your head as they rifle your wallet. Get yourselves a piece of the action; become Little BIGOIL Barons and make gassing up a positive event where you're tallying profits instead of angrily bemoaning losses. Almost makes you feel like Robin Hood; and in my case, it's definitely going to the poor.

60 Minutes, if you want to do an exposé on my obscene profits as a Little BIGOIL Baron, I'm definitely available.
As retirees with limited incomes, my wife and I were feeling the pinch of rising energy prices like everyone else. A couple of years ago, following my Capitalist Pig instincts, of which Rush Limbaugh has made me proud, I decided to heed an age-old truism, "If you can't lick ‘em, join ‘em," as well as one of the Maharushie's maxims, "When you're handed lemons, make lemonade."

I decided that if we were going to be contributing to the obscene profits the Democrats and Drive-by Media claim BIGOIL companies are reaping, we might as well share in them by owning some energy company stocks. After several days of careful internet research, I purchased a few thousand dollars of a Vanguard natural resources mutual fund and converted the cash accumulation of my wife's life insurance policy from a modestly performing bond mutual fund into another high performing energy resources mutual fund from Jennison.

Now when I look at a pump and see the price has jumped several more cents per gallon, instead of my old reaction of shock and anger at those BIGOIL robber barons, I now stand there watching those digits climb higher and higher on the pump, calculating how this latest increase is going to translate into performance growth in those mutual funds. By the time I hang the nozzle back on the pump, I'm usually smiling.

You see, for the last two years the growth in value of our modest investment in those funds not only has covered all our gasoline bills for three cars but also our residential gas and electric bills, with enough left over to pay the insurance on all three automobiles. Believe me, it's a nice feeling driving away from the gas station knowing you just got another free fill-up.

Owning energy stocks and mutual funds can carry some risks and inevitably there will be periodic price fluctuations as a result of geo-political events. I would never counsel anyone, especially retirees, to invest more than a very small portion of their savings in energy stocks because of that volatility. But when one considers that demand for petroleum products is increasing steadily, fueled by economic growth in high-population, energy-dependent countries like China and India, while oil and natural gas reserves are diminishing all around the world, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand that the prices of those resources are inevitably going to increase in the long term. Americans, long accustomed to artificially low fuel costs are going to feel pain at the pump as we are compelled to share ever scarcer fuel products with hundreds of millions of nouveau, middle-class Indians and Chinese who rightfully feel entitled to their own version of the American Dream. The best way to mitigate that pain is to profit from it.

So, my fellow Americans, instead of standing there at the pump, futilely damning that Drive-by Media bogeyman, BIGOIL, consider investing in those selfsame energy producing companies that you now feel are holding a nozzle to your head as they rifle your wallet. Get yourselves a piece of the action; become Little BIGOIL Barons and make gassing up a positive event where you're tallying profits instead of angrily bemoaning losses. Almost makes you feel like Robin Hood; and in my case, it's definitely going to the poor.

60 Minutes, if you want to do an exposé on my obscene profits as a Little BIGOIL Baron, I'm definitely available.