Chump City

An armed citizenry is the worst nightmare of those who circulate among us with felonious intent, especially violent, injurious intent; for crooks operating within an armed public must consider that violence, once instigated, may be returned upon them with serious, painful, even deadly consequences.

Several years ago, I read a piece in Newsweek authored by a young, black reporter who had redeemed himself from a juvenile—onset career of crime in which his specialty was home burglary. Now fully rehabilitated, he confessed that the only real concern he had when selecting his targets was whether or not the occupants might be armed. If he thought that was a likelihood, he would seek less threatening, more vulnerable victims.

I suspect that with the exception of the most foolhardy felons and the criminally psychotic, the contemplation of avoiding the inconvenient and troublesome consequences of gunshot is fairly widespread. That would account for the resulting declines in rates of violent crimes against persons in states like my own Texas, which have enacted legislation permitting ordinary citizens to carry concealed firearms. If a desperado doesn't know whether a mark may have something more lethal under his coat than a wallet, or waiting in a bedside drawer, or that if he doesn't, some other concerned citizen or nearby neighbor may well have, that thug may give serious thought to finding a way to fund his illicit lifestyle that carries fewer prospects for a fast ride to the emergency room or a slower one to the morgue. 

With that thought in mind, the more cautious burglars, muggers, carjackers and assorted hold—up artists around the country must surely be heartened by the red carpet laid out for them this week by the enlightened citizens of the fair City by the Bay. What the heck, it's a beautiful place with a fairly mild climate and a relaxed attitude towards drugs and prostitutes, the need for which is mainly why robbers rob; so why freeze their butts off in Detroit (or Chicago, New York, Philly, take your pick) when those San Francisco suckers are setting themselves up as pushover patsies?

Can't you just picture all those now incarcerated for such criminal activities, sending off to the San Francisco Convention and Visitors' Bureau (here's the link, guys) for an array of colorful, sophisticated, enticing brochures with which to while away the hours, days and years until their releases, dreaming on their bunks of carefree, criminal careers in Chump City? I can just hear them, playing their old Tony Bennett and Frank Sinatra tapes and humming along, 'I'll get my start in San Francisco...'

Of course, it now will be necessary for 'No Guns' Gavin and his Board of Supervisors to get the city planning commission to prepare for the population surge resulting from their fair city's generous invitation to these, uh, pardon the phrase, illegal immigrants. But then again there is always the chance that the city's population will remain in equilibrium, what with this influx of indictables being offset by a skyrocketing homicide rate among the dumb but deserving, disarmed citizenry that made it all possible. Listen...can you hear that criminal chorus of violence—filled voices swelling from penal institutions and crime—ridden neighborhoods throughout the colder reaches of our nation

We'll get our start

... In San Francisco

High on our pills,

We'll be scot free,

To jerk those chumps out of their cars, 

...Rob their unprotected bars,

A felonious fog will chill the air,

We won't care...

 

Russ Vaughn is the Poet Laureate of the American Thinker.

An armed citizenry is the worst nightmare of those who circulate among us with felonious intent, especially violent, injurious intent; for crooks operating within an armed public must consider that violence, once instigated, may be returned upon them with serious, painful, even deadly consequences.

Several years ago, I read a piece in Newsweek authored by a young, black reporter who had redeemed himself from a juvenile—onset career of crime in which his specialty was home burglary. Now fully rehabilitated, he confessed that the only real concern he had when selecting his targets was whether or not the occupants might be armed. If he thought that was a likelihood, he would seek less threatening, more vulnerable victims.

I suspect that with the exception of the most foolhardy felons and the criminally psychotic, the contemplation of avoiding the inconvenient and troublesome consequences of gunshot is fairly widespread. That would account for the resulting declines in rates of violent crimes against persons in states like my own Texas, which have enacted legislation permitting ordinary citizens to carry concealed firearms. If a desperado doesn't know whether a mark may have something more lethal under his coat than a wallet, or waiting in a bedside drawer, or that if he doesn't, some other concerned citizen or nearby neighbor may well have, that thug may give serious thought to finding a way to fund his illicit lifestyle that carries fewer prospects for a fast ride to the emergency room or a slower one to the morgue. 

With that thought in mind, the more cautious burglars, muggers, carjackers and assorted hold—up artists around the country must surely be heartened by the red carpet laid out for them this week by the enlightened citizens of the fair City by the Bay. What the heck, it's a beautiful place with a fairly mild climate and a relaxed attitude towards drugs and prostitutes, the need for which is mainly why robbers rob; so why freeze their butts off in Detroit (or Chicago, New York, Philly, take your pick) when those San Francisco suckers are setting themselves up as pushover patsies?

Can't you just picture all those now incarcerated for such criminal activities, sending off to the San Francisco Convention and Visitors' Bureau (here's the link, guys) for an array of colorful, sophisticated, enticing brochures with which to while away the hours, days and years until their releases, dreaming on their bunks of carefree, criminal careers in Chump City? I can just hear them, playing their old Tony Bennett and Frank Sinatra tapes and humming along, 'I'll get my start in San Francisco...'

Of course, it now will be necessary for 'No Guns' Gavin and his Board of Supervisors to get the city planning commission to prepare for the population surge resulting from their fair city's generous invitation to these, uh, pardon the phrase, illegal immigrants. But then again there is always the chance that the city's population will remain in equilibrium, what with this influx of indictables being offset by a skyrocketing homicide rate among the dumb but deserving, disarmed citizenry that made it all possible. Listen...can you hear that criminal chorus of violence—filled voices swelling from penal institutions and crime—ridden neighborhoods throughout the colder reaches of our nation

We'll get our start

... In San Francisco

High on our pills,

We'll be scot free,

To jerk those chumps out of their cars, 

...Rob their unprotected bars,

A felonious fog will chill the air,

We won't care...

 

Russ Vaughn is the Poet Laureate of the American Thinker.